Welcome to My Blog

Welcome to my blog! My hope is to pass along ideas you will enjoy using in your homes and in your lives. No, I am not Oprah, giving you life advice or Nate Berkus redoing your pantry. My point of view is more practical if not occasionally foo-foo. Decorating should be fun and you should change your decor often. My ideas and vintage finds will help you do just that. Oh, and you may get some fun personal and family stories. We are a small family but we do a lot!



Since I started my blog a couple of years ago, I find I am writing more about "ideas" for your life. Or at least, things that happen in my life! Hopefully I put a smile on your face and help you set your dinner table.




Saturday, March 10, 2012

Manners and Weddings (and any other ocassion with humans)

     Okay, my antique blog has turned into Mary Lisa Does Etiquette at times. It has often come to my mind that I would like to teach etiquette classes for children. There has never been time to do it but I think it would be quite rewarding. On the other hand, I am amazed at  how many adults could use a few classes themselves.
     Since I got married in the last century, my dear husband and I have lived in New England, our nation's capital, my chosen home state of California and sunny Florida. Manners are somewhat universal but I have noticed subtle differences depending on geography. Case in point, newly married we lived in Boston. Boston is a city we closely associate with well-heeled people. Much to my horror, one of our first dinner guest blew her nose into my Irish linen napkin. There are table manners, party manners and every day manners. Manners are part of our lives because they make life simple, we can all share an expected commonality and there's a built in respect for each other.
     When we entertain our goal is to make our guests comfortable. Whether we entertain in our home or in a public place such as a restaurant, which by the way no self respecting Southerner would ever do,  we treat our guests to an enjoyable and hopefully, fun time. And our guests are expected to do the same for us.
     Wedding manners are no different from our everyday manners. We treat each other with respect and we follow our host's lead. Treating each other with respect does not mean the host should put up with whatever the guests dole out. It's like"unconditional" love. The term does not mean children have a free ride!
     The small wedding perhaps magnified an occasional faux pas and outright bad manners were more obvious. In a crowd of hundreds it is harder to notice a slip in the social graces and I think people are more likely to watch their manners. In the smaller family type setting, people get a little too comfortable and think they can act as they do in their homes. And unfortunately, some people just don't have any manners.
    As I have mentioned previously, every family had the drunken uncle or the inappropriately dressed eighty year old aunt. And we all have friends who we love but they might not know which fork goes with which food. All of us experience different types of people everyday. When there is a special occasion which we have put a lot of work and love into, our expectations are a bit higher.
    Here are a few situations for your amusement and enjoyment. They are a bit unique I believe. In the end, as a host or hostess, all you can do is ignore the offence and look at your guest list closer the next time you entertain.

     Case one: Do not ask too many questions about food being served. Unless there are food allergies, which your hostess should have asked about before the event, eat a small amount of what is served to you and say nothing. Do not ask why the wedding cake (1) is green! If we (2) had so chosen, the wedding cake might have been black and blue, the blue color of mold. Color added to cakes is not unusual and there is absolutely no reason to inquire about it's color.
      Case two: When you are invited to a sit-down meal that is part of a wedding (3), party or formal affair, and you are told the menu has been pre-selected do not ask for a menu and order something else. Most events such as these have been planned with the choice of multiple entrees that should accommodate every one's taste. You do not state that you were unaware of the pre-selected menu and then proceed to order the most expensive item on the regular menu. This is the epitome of rudeness.
     Case three: When there is a reception, party or dinner in the home where you may be a house guest or have some delusion that you are a house guest, do not think this is YOUR home and come to the event in your night clothes (4). Oh, I know, you cannot believe this one. Neither could I (5) ! The author swears, you reach a certain age and you think you have seen it all. Then tomorrow comes and you are knocked to your knees when you see how some people act.
      _____________________________________________________________________________________
(1) Wedding cake - this is the generic "wedding cake", there is no connection to previous posts on this blog. Wink, wink!
(2) We - this is the generic "we" and does not necessarily include anyone living or dead.
(3) Wedding - the ordering off the menu is not necessarily connected with any previous posts on this blog.
(4)   Night clothes - an example of night clothes may be wrinkled, plaid flannel pajama pants and oh, let say a frumpy sweat shirt.
(5)   I - the generic "I" such as the Royal Family using "we". "I" does not necessarily imply the writer is speaking of her self.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

The Day After

      As sunny but cold as the wedding day was, we awoke the next morning to several inches of snow and just as cold temperature. This picture is of my daughter's patio. Having a patio is a rare and unusual treat in the middle of New York. This six story building has two apartments that have patios.It is a great situation. They are not on an alley. There are other apartment buildings behind hers and a double row of patios. They are all connected by a series of gates for fire safety but it is amazingly private. You can see that touch of California with a Weber barbecue in the corner. Also there is one of my chandeliers converted to use candles hanging in the tree that grows from the next door neighbor's patio.

From wedding gowns and black suits to snow boots and Burberry coats, what a difference twenty-four hours can make. Here is the bride plowing through the snow with her father.
Snow in Manhattan is a beautiful thing to me. I do not live there and I can hop on a plane and leave. I do not have to move the car, shovel in front of my steps or even get to work in it. I love snow in the city because it covers the trash, it covers the cars, it covers everything that is unsightly and dirty. It "connects" all that is beautiful. And snow is so peaceful. It always seems quiet when there is snow on the ground. White is a calming presence. We could not have ordered, directly from God, a better two days.
     After a leisurely breakfast and our walk in the snow, the happy couple and the two sets of parents met for a day at The Met. The Metropolitan Museum of Art is a cornerstone of New York City and a special place for our family. For the past forty years, we have spent many happy days enjoying the treasures inside. The grooms family is from the mid-west and had never been to the museum so the visit was a new experience for them.
     We spent  hours wandering from gallery to gallery. The men especially wanted to see the armor and the girls enjoyed the American Wing. We were all awed by the eighty-two foot long Temple of Dendur and marveled at the  Frank Lloyd Wright room.
     The day was relaxing and fun. It was a contrast to the excitement of the previous day but so enjoyable to spend time with family both old and new.


Wedding Luncheon

     Following the ceremony, my husband and I gave a Wedding Luncheon at the River Cafe' with it's wonderful view of lower Manhattan. This is especially a beautiful restaurant in the spring and summer but I must say on a cold winter's day the huge floral display in the lobby and the amazing view of Manhattan across the water is hard to beat. Not only is this a special restaurant, the service is most attentive and the food is pretty good too.
   

     After our wonderful lunch, we walked right next door to the dock and took the Water Taxi for a tour. We barely made it up the gang plank before the boat set sail. The engines were running as we ran. The bride was actually the first one to board to an announcement by the captain and cheers from onlookers. As you can see from the picture, this was planned for sunset. How magical the Manhattan skyline was as we cruised off up the Hudson.
     Our first destination was Liberty Island and a close up view of Lady Liberty. What a glorious and proud moment it is to see her there in her majesty. Remembering the scenes we all endured eleven years ago, it certainly gives you goose bumps and you are proud to be am American. Passing Ellis Island where so many have started their journey to become Americans always is emotional for me.
     Neither my family or my husbands came through Ellis but you cannot help but be touched by the all who have walked the paths and hallways. Although many of the buildings have been restored there are still glimpses of the fallen neglected courtyards and rooms. You feel the presence of the weary families who stood in line to be processed and sent on their way in their new country.
     We went up the western side of Manhattan to views of the Empire Stat Building and the new Freedom Tower being built on the land where the World Trade Towers stood. It was a very cold evening but we were all toasty warm inside. We set foot on land at the South Street Seaport after a perfect relaxing cruise.
     What New York wedding would be complete without a subway ride? I am not sure anyone thought this was necessary other than my daughter but she was insistent. And to make it even more fun, we walked what felt like, twenty blocks, to reach the subway station. The looks we got all day of a beautiful bride, her groom and a parade of parents throughout the city was an experience not to be forgotten. From carriage drivers, to policemen, to trash collectors and the most amazing of all....fire fighters, the attention and interest was amazing. Whoever thinks New Yorkers are not friendly should have been with us. The shouts of "Congratulations", "Happy for you", "Best Wishes",  and thumbs up were constant.
     The exception to this was perhaps the subway. We went pretty much unnoticed through out the entire ride. Riding the subway is  not my favorite thing to do. It has only been in the past year and a half that I would even consider riding those underground trains full of everything known to man and beyond. It's not in my blood. Remember I am from the suburbs and I am a Southerner and a Southern Californian. Nothing in my life has prepared me for New York City subways.
      The key to my success in riding is having my entire family with me at all times. I can talk non-stop to them and that occupies my mind. Now lately those trains have been stopping in those tunnels for long periods of time and there has been some train-horn-honking. That does not help. This was a happy occasion though so I grabbed that bouquet of roses, held it to my nose and rode off into the darkened tunnel without a thought or at least just a few tiny thoughts.

At Last, The Ceremony


      Our daughter's soon-to-be husband is a kind thoughtful young man. He had arrived at out Manhattan apartment on the morning of the wedding in a limousine to carry us to our Central Park photo adventure.  The ceremony was to be at one in the afternoon, in wedding lingo we do not  use AM and PM. We use the terms  "ten o'clock in the morning", "seven o'clock in the evening", and my favorite, "half past four in the afternoon." I planned my own wedding for "half past four in the afternoon" because I loved the sound of the words. Almost poetic!
      Anyway, we walked all over Central Park and took pictures at every conceivable spot. One moment that will bring laughter to our hearts for a long time was when we asked to elderly couple passing by if they would take our picture. We held the camera out to demonstrate our desire. The couple were from China and did not speak English. Much to our delight they smiled broadly and walked toward us. Before we knew it, there they were in the family line-up ready to be a part of our memories. We all joined them in the laughter and snapped away. Think of the stories we can tell our grandchildren of our distant relatives who traveled all the way from Beijing to attend their mother's wedding!Well, back on the title of this epistle. Before we knew it, the time had flown by and we were about to be late for the reason of the day...the actual marriage ceremony.
     We had made our way to the south end of park. We darted across the street to The Plaza where a cue of those forever available Yellow Taxi's awaited our arrival. Two by two and three by three we loaded ourselves into a parade of cars. Off we went in the Manhattan traffic. I will say how wonderful it is looking back that we were all relaxed and having fun and totally forgot there was a schedule to keep.
     One by one the little yellow cars arrived at the ceremony. My husband and I had the mother of the groom with us and we were the last car to arrive. Our driver missed the spot by a block and a half but we jumped out and had no problem hurrying to the door. I have neglected to tell you that the high temperature on this beautiful sunny day was a chilling twenty eight degrees. For our Southern California blood, this was a shocker. How my daughter managed to pose for pictures by removing her warm coat is a mystery. I had a really pretty dress but you hardly ever see it because I had my long black "New York" coat on.
      Having an extremely small wedding is a commitment to forever explaining to your family and friends why you did it. Yes, this was a "destination" wedding but not a warm sunny beach where people actually wanted to come. This was New York City in the middle of winter. On the other hand, I cannot imagine a more intimate and truly meaningful ceremony. I was so close to my daughter, I could see the tears gently falling down her face and see the slight tremor in my new son-in-laws hands. The idea of family only at a ceremony and then a big reception has it's merits. But for my daughter this was what she wanted and it was the most beautiful wedding ever.
      The vows that the couple had written were so sweet and personal. They met a couple of years ago in one of the most "fun" cities in our country. I will not identify the city but it was built for entertainment and nothing else. Their meeting was described both in the ceremony and by the groom. "I saw her across a crowed room and knew she was the one." How romantic can you get?
    


Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

     Planning a small wedding is about the same as planning a huge wedding I have discovered. The difference is in the quantity not the quality. There were the same requirements, events and arrangements to be made.
     There was the bridal gown and clothes for everyone, there were flowers, there was the ceremony and all that is included, there was the luncheon and reception, there was transportation and entertainment, there were announcements. All of the elements were the same. Rather than ordering several hundred of everything, we ordered by the tens. We were able to have hand written place cards and announcements addressed in Calligraphy. We got the perfect roses that were hand selected tied with custom satin ribbons. The vows were heard by every guest without the use of microphones. We were able to talk and spend time with everyone in attendance.
     The merits of a big wedding with friends and family are still close to my heart but I have a new appreciation and love for the small wedding.



     The place cards were chosen by the bride. They were white double mounted card stock with a silver border and a tiny white satin ribbon bow. They were lettered by hand with the first name of each guest. This was another advantage of having a small wedding, first names only. Each place card stood in a tiny white topiary.
     The champagne flutes for the bridal couple were decorated with crystals and pearls and tied with organdy ribbon and tiny blossoms.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

The Reception and Cake Cutting

     This was a small wedding that was planned more as a day of small events rather that the usual big event of the ceremony and reception. My daughter wanted to enjoy the city and spend time in numerous settings throughout the day. There was the morning photography fun in Central Park, the ceremony itself with it's tears and smiles, the walk immediately following the ceremony with the  professional photographers capturing the happy moments for the newlyweds and families. Then the beautiful luncheon on the water, the boat ride at sunset and now the day came to a lovely close at my daughter's apartment.

     This is where the happy couple will begin their life together and make their first home and it turned out to be a lovely place to gather around the cake and toast the bride and groom. The apartment is a duplex and has shinny hardwood floors and lots of white walls. Remember a "duplex" apartment in New York is a two story apartment. When I was growing up a duplex to me was a house built for two families. This apartment is in a pre-war building not a new modern skyscraper so a duplex apartment is a bit rare. There is a cute spiral staircase joining the two floors which made for a great photo spot.

     The day before the wedding, I had spent decorating the apartment and preparing the cake. Chocolate was the flavor of choice of both the bride and groom. I decided on a different chocolate flavor for each layer. My daughter had also requested Cream Cheese frosting. In looking at the many options for wedding cakes, we decided on a small green cake. There was a slight color theme of pink and green for the wedding and this was primarily used at the reception.

     We had a dainty wall banner. Do the words "dainty" and "wall banner" go together? When you use a Martha Stewart design all things are possible. The "banner" was a series of decorative alphabet circles spelling our "Just Married" and the couple's first names. It was all tied together with pink organdy ribbon and sage green satin ribbon. It was simple and elegant. We used a family heirloom monogrammed linen table cloth over-laid with another family cloth of ecru lace.
     You all know of my love for silver and there was lots in evidence. I have amassed a good collection of silver serving pieces at our apartment in Richmond. What I did not have there, we shipped from California. We used my  mother's crystal plates, newly purchased vintage crystal goblets, and lots of silver trays.

     I love the use of cupcakes at weddings today. Although the small wedding cake was ample for the number of guests, I decided to surround the cake with matching cupcakes. A tiny sugar rose topped each cupcake while the cake was decorated with lacy white butterflies. The cake was baked earlier in the week and frozen until the day before the wedding. I purchased a special giant plastic container to place the iced cake in the refrigerator over night. This plan worked perfectly. The cake was moist and fresh. It tasted as if it were baked only hours before it was served.

     Another popular custom for a reception is to have  a candy bar. We did a small version of the candy bar that was placed right on the cake table. My husband enjoyed scouting out candy shops for white candies. Most are more than happy to provide you with samples of the candy. We found there is quite an assortment out there.

     There were the wedding favorite of white Jordon Almonds, coconut flavor white Jelly Bellys, tiny little white crusted mints that resembled white caviar, white M &M's which are a favorite candy of the groom, and while chocolate Hersey bars. They were served in crystal candy dishes and silver bowls and pedestals.

     There was a Goodie Bag for each guest to take home. Inside was a fancy box containing a sampling of the white candies, white meringue cookies in a white box, a votive candle decorated with the names of the couple and the date, custom water labeled with the names and date, and a tiny white frame holding a picture of the couple with a California sunset behind them.

     At the end of the day, I cannot tell you what a pleasant and meaningful day it was. We missed having all the family and our friends with us but there will be time to celebrate with them in a few months. Although this was not a destination wedding in the truest sense it was far from the home our daughter grew up in. That was a disappointment, but I feel the concentration was on the marriage of two people who love each other very much. And in the end, that is why we celebrate the day!

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Wedding Morning

Back in the 70's I remember my first solo walk through Central Park. My husband was in the city on business and I joined him for a few days. During the day I was on my own. Most of my time was spent either at The Met wandering through the galleries in a dream or shopping on Fifth Avenue. One day I decided to take off to Central Park, alone. Remember this was the 70's. New York was not the safest city in the country. The stories of gold chains being ripped from your neck were especially popular. I am happy to report I walked most of the length of the park that day. At the end, I had the same feeling I had when we completed our first white water rapids trip. I can do ANYTHING now! Some thirty odd years later, I shall draw on that strength to be my daughter's wedding photographer for the morning. 
My daughter has lived close to Central Park since she first moved to New York. It is a beautiful spot in the middle of this wonderful city. She has had many happy times in the park and as a family we have shared a few of our own. She wanted pictures made in the park and I was more than happy to be her photographer.When we first decided to do pictures in the park, I envisioned the bridal couple and my husband and I walking around the park and actually spending a little time setting up shots as I am accustomed to doing when I take photos for someone. Well, that did not turn out to be the case. Every family and from what I read, every wedding, has that one family member who you can count on to "alter" the day. That is to shame, embarrass or merely call attention to themselves and everyone else who is present. It may be that one cousin who is very loud, the uncle who drinks too much or the great aunt who wears the same black dress to every wedding. Or it may be one entire branch of the family tree!!!Sometimes the distraction is a serious problem, like you may be asked to remove the offending relative from the reception venue or it may simply be added humor to the day. On this particular morning it was just a change of plans. We all know the convenience and simplicity of point and shoot cameras. They can be annoying at any wedding and sometimes they are banned from the events. Since this was a very small affair it never occurred to myself or my daughter that these little marvels of technology could be a problem. I guess that depends on who it pointing and shooting. I can sum up this topic by saying, the first three attempts at setting up a shot was spoiled by someone jumping in the face of the bride and groom with their pocket miracle, the point and shoot camera. It took no more to bring me to the decision that we would be happy with family snapshots!  If there is one thing I learned on the day of my only daughter's wedding,  whatever you plans might have been, you must have flexibility....and lots of it. The quality of the pictures is not what I had hoped for but we have a good record of a family event that will linger forever!