Okay, my antique blog has turned into Mary Lisa Does Etiquette at times. It has often come to my mind that I would like to teach etiquette classes for children. There has never been time to do it but I think it would be quite rewarding. On the other hand, I am amazed at how many adults could use a few classes themselves.
Since I got married in the last century, my dear husband and I have lived in New England, our nation's capital, my chosen home state of California and sunny Florida. Manners are somewhat universal but I have noticed subtle differences depending on geography. Case in point, newly married we lived in Boston. Boston is a city we closely associate with well-heeled people. Much to my horror, one of our first dinner guest blew her nose into my Irish linen napkin. There are table manners, party manners and every day manners. Manners are part of our lives because they make life simple, we can all share an expected commonality and there's a built in respect for each other.
When we entertain our goal is to make our guests comfortable. Whether we entertain in our home or in a public place such as a restaurant, which by the way no self respecting Southerner would ever do, we treat our guests to an enjoyable and hopefully, fun time. And our guests are expected to do the same for us.
Wedding manners are no different from our everyday manners. We treat each other with respect and we follow our host's lead. Treating each other with respect does not mean the host should put up with whatever the guests dole out. It's like"unconditional" love. The term does not mean children have a free ride!
The small wedding perhaps magnified an occasional faux pas and outright bad manners were more obvious. In a crowd of hundreds it is harder to notice a slip in the social graces and I think people are more likely to watch their manners. In the smaller family type setting, people get a little too comfortable and think they can act as they do in their homes. And unfortunately, some people just don't have any manners.
As I have mentioned previously, every family had the drunken uncle or the inappropriately dressed eighty year old aunt. And we all have friends who we love but they might not know which fork goes with which food. All of us experience different types of people everyday. When there is a special occasion which we have put a lot of work and love into, our expectations are a bit higher.
Here are a few situations for your amusement and enjoyment. They are a bit unique I believe. In the end, as a host or hostess, all you can do is ignore the offence and look at your guest list closer the next time you entertain.
Case one: Do not ask too many questions about food being served. Unless there are food allergies, which your hostess should have asked about before the event, eat a small amount of what is served to you and say nothing. Do not ask why the wedding cake (1) is green! If we (2) had so chosen, the wedding cake might have been black and blue, the blue color of mold. Color added to cakes is not unusual and there is absolutely no reason to inquire about it's color.
Case two: When you are invited to a sit-down meal that is part of a wedding (3), party or formal affair, and you are told the menu has been pre-selected do not ask for a menu and order something else. Most events such as these have been planned with the choice of multiple entrees that should accommodate every one's taste. You do not state that you were unaware of the pre-selected menu and then proceed to order the most expensive item on the regular menu. This is the epitome of rudeness.
Case three: When there is a reception, party or dinner in the home where you may be a house guest or have some delusion that you are a house guest, do not think this is YOUR home and come to the event in your night clothes (4). Oh, I know, you cannot believe this one. Neither could I (5) ! The author swears, you reach a certain age and you think you have seen it all. Then tomorrow comes and you are knocked to your knees when you see how some people act.
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(1) Wedding cake - this is the generic "wedding cake", there is no connection to previous posts on this blog. Wink, wink!
(2) We - this is the generic "we" and does not necessarily include anyone living or dead.
(3) Wedding - the ordering off the menu is not necessarily connected with any previous posts on this blog.
(4) Night clothes - an example of night clothes may be wrinkled, plaid flannel pajama pants and oh, let say a frumpy sweat shirt.
(5) I - the generic "I" such as the Royal Family using "we". "I" does not necessarily imply the writer is speaking of her self.
Was it one person who did all of this? Where did these people come from? Did all of these things happen at one party? Wow.
ReplyDeleteIf this was a "real" story of an event, no it would not have been one person who who committed the offenses. If so you simply would omit this person from your address book! This is just a collection of happenings that could be considered funny.
ReplyDeleteOMG, where did these people come from? You seem to be from the south. Surely these were not southerners.
ReplyDeletefrom a fellow dixie chick
Have you ever had a dinner party and had extra guests show up? Last Christmas I had a sit down dinner for twenty people. Two invited guests brought dates without calling before. I hardly had room for twenty people sitting down much less extras. We pulled in a stool and a bench to seat the uninvited guests. Why do people think they can do whatever they wish?
ReplyDelete